Keep posted on this post for updates, knowledge, and wit. Stuff in red means it be happening each week on that day, as far as I know. If a venue or acronym isn't linked, it probably is earlier in the post. Cool articles and event recommendations are welcomed. Love, the WeekIntro. (That last sentence is an imperative statment.) And oh, the social value of parody. Plus, read Grist and Alternet: too many good articles to post here.

Sun, June 1st:

  • Alemany Farm workday 12-5pm
  • Swing dancing 12pm free at that bridge by the De Young Museum. Experience septuagenarians exclaiming, "You got served"
  • Skate tricks! Skate tricks! Like at the roller rink when your dad would leave you there for 7 hours on Saturdays....noon Waller/Stanyan
  • Free hot dog, veggie and cow, at FrankenArt 1-6pm
  • Free BBQ w/purchase Delirium 16th/Valencia-Guerrero and 500 Club 17th/Guerrero. No vegan friendly food, in my experience
  • Bike Hut Dedication with movies and music 6pm Pier 40 fo' free

Mon, 2nd:

  • Project Open Hand evening shift. Come keep me company, eat good food, and receive compliments from the Tenderloin neighbors
  • Try to get into Alice Waters and Gavin Newsom's chat about food sustainability at the Main Library 7pm. Mo' info on Jessy's blog
  • Long Blondes, Social Studies, and the Blacks $15 Great American Music Hall 8pm show. The Blacks should be headlining
  • Station 40 hosts a party with Jeremy Dalmas (fun interactive music) and others 8pm free, I believe 3030B 16th/Mission
  • Free bluegrass 8.30pm Amnesia
  • Trivia with bar tab as 1st prize Noe Valley Tavern 24th/Castro free 8.30pm sharp. Relive your/my high school academic team days

Tues, 3rd:

  • VOTE. I support Prop 99. Great for you if you can afford rent increase, but many can't
  • Free First Tuesday at museums around town. I think museums should be free everyday, as libraries are
  • John Perkins, author of The Secret History of the American Empire and Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, speaks and signs with INFORUM at Commonwealth Club $12-20
  • Mojo's Bicycle Cafe has jazz fo' free 8pm
  • Monday's Station 40 line-up performs again 9pm free Bike Kitchen 1256 Mission/9th St (enter on Laskie Alley)

Wed, 4th:

  • I'll Explore your 'torium. Exploratorium is free every first Wednesday
  • Green Drinks is your chance to schmooze with other tree huggers, plus you get a free beverage 5.30-8pm Varnish Gallery 77 Natoma/2nd every first Wednesday
  • Dine About Town is some hoity toity prix-fixe event at restaurants around town. Tonight's launch party benefits Meals on Wheels with $10, and your stomach with appetizers and wine 6-8pm Macy's Cellar 170 O'Farrell/Powell RSVP required
  • Discussion on the bullet train to LA, because you want to get out of there as quickly as possible 6-8pm SFBC HQ 995 Market/6th
  • Children of Darfur photo exhibit opening 7-9pm Mission Cultural Center 2868 Mission/24th
  • New Bar Every Other Wednesday benefits Francisco Connection and helps a kid realize his hoop dreams at Dirty Thieves 3050 24th St/Treat 8.30pm. The bar gives $5 for every lush that shows up, no purchase necessary. Bring your teetotalling friends
  • Penny Arcade 3rd Anniversary show with Bart Davenport, The Mumlers, and others 8pm $8 MakeOut Room
  • Free good music and such Amnesia 8pm-close

Thurs, 5th:

  • Yea for better streets! Does this mean fewer potholes and pigeons? Find out at Better Streets plan release event 12-2pm Mint Plaza on Jessie/5th - Market/Mission. Fingers crossed for food and Gavin
  • Start early at Seller's Market happy hour $2 for 20 ounces of beer 3-6pm. Stop here before heading upstairs to Commonwealth Club events 595 Market
  • Food Not Bombs serves at 16th St BART station 5pm
  • First Thursday gallery walk/people gawk downtown. Bring your own wine jar. Refer to FecalFace link to the right
  • Urban Eyes features 3 SF artists focusing on urban & architectural elements 5-8pm 212 Sutter/Kearny 2nd Floor
  • Sure it's a can-sized portion, but Doloes Park Cafe (18th/Dolores) $1 PBR Thursdays have sunlight, something not accompanying Doc's Clock (Mission/21st) everyday $1 PBR pints. Both 6-9pm
  • 77th Annual CA Book Awards with Michael Chabon, Khaled Hosseini, and others. 2 rounds of wine and snacks! Commonwealth Club 5.30pm $10
  • ArtSpan, CCA, and The Guardian present "30 under 30" Varnish Gallery 77 Natoma 6-9pm
  • Good Vibrations hosts the launch party for Tristan Taormino's new book and dvd with giveaways, snacks, wine, special guests, and a dj 6.30-8pm 603 Valencia/17th
  • Back to the Future screens at Alamo Square Movie Night 7pm, movie at dusk. A fire at Universal Studios just destroyed the film's clock tower
  • Mission Underground Film Festival 8pm $5 Pirate Cat Radio 2781 21st/Florida. Screw Clear Channel
  • Pete & J and Or, The Whale play The Independent 8pm $12/14

Fri, 6th:

  • Climate Equity Tour seems great 5-7pm. See IndyBay link at right for more info
  • Ryan Alexiev's opening for "The Land of a Million Cereals" 6-9pm Mission 17. Fingers crossed for mustaches and Cinnamon Toast Crunch
  • Secession Design opening party with jams, wine, art, and snacks 6.30-9pm across from Mission Safeway
  • Stencil Nation Release Party 7pm free Revolution Cafe 22nd/Bartlett
  • Intersection for the Arts Birthday Party and Auction 7pm $20 for food, music, art, drinks, philanthropy
  • Found Footage Film Festival 7.15 and 9.15pm, also Saturday. Good thing I never owned a camcorder. Win tickets: email sfpromo@theonion.com with "Found Fest" as the subject
  • "Maria: Politics. Sex. Death. Men." art opening Galeria de la Raza 2857 24th/Bryant 7.30pm
  • "Vinyl Apocalypse" opens Lower Haters Gallery 597 Haight/Steiner 7pm. Show seems weird, but you can literally stumble to the next listing
  • D-Structure earns an A for its openings. Always booze and Kettle Chips 8pm-? 520 Haight/Fillmore
  • Your next stop is for live painting by Ian Ross and "Transitions & Turmoil" Oxenrose Gallery 448 Grove 8.30-11.30pm. We'll see how his painting transitions after a few free absinthe and gin cocktails
  • The Whigs play a free show 330 Ritch 9pm
Sat, 7th:
  • Talib Kweli keynotes Grind for the Green, an environmental/music development conference with solar-powered beat battles 9am-5pm free SFSU Downtown campus
  • Big ol' rummage sale at that church on Valencia/24th 9am-5pm. Last year I bought Guernica earrings. Ignore the evangelism whilst scouring for treasure
  • Guerrilla Fashionista Trunk Show & Benefit 11am-4pm Foreign Cinema Mission/21st. Usually free bubbly
  • Alemany Farm workday 12-5pm. When was the last time you plucked delectable lettuce?
  • An Inconvenient Truth slide show presentation at an inconvenient time 3-4pm Main Library free
  • Climate Equity Tour again 3-5pm. See IndyBay link at right, yo
  • Mission Arts & Performance Project starts family-focused 1-4pm, then street walks 7-10pm
  • Needles and Pens 5 year anniversary show 6-9pm 3253 16th/Guerrero-ish. I want to have most everything in this store
  • "Get ready for unabashed geekdom" is how Super 7 is promoting their 7th anniversary party. Free video games, lots of Tron references, and nerds with very strong hands (solely from playing video games, I'm sure) 7-10pm
  • Fresh Meat in the Gallery V "Riots & Revolutions" opening show LGBT Community Center 1800 Market/Octavia 3rd Floor 6-10pm
  • "Return to Innocence" opening of quirky creature art by Matt Furie and Jay Howell 7pm Receiver Gallery 1415 Valencia/25th
  • EducateOne dance/art benefit party Space Gallery 7pm-1am free, plus wine and snacks for early birds
  • DAWN, an all-night cultural arts festival, celebrates the opening of the Contemporary Jewish Museum. Crazy til sunrise party with Dengue Fever, Jonathon Safran Foer, art, people, yacht party....Oi vey, better drink some coffee 8pm-6am $15 tix at the door
  • Bernal Bubbles holds its monthly Soapbox Lectures. Art talk and wine in a laundromat 10pm free Cortland/Bocana

Sun, 8th:

  • Rest from your epic weekend, OR...
  • Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon 7am-3pm. Swim, bike, and run like an escaped olde-timey convict
  • Haight Ashbury Street Fair 11am-too long. Your usual upper Haight experience, but exponentially more populated
  • Contemporary Jewish Museum grand opening: minus last night's debauchery, plus children 11am-5.30pm Reserve your free timed ticket here
  • With all the money you've saved by utilizing TheWeekIntro, attend Project Open Hand's Dessert First 5-8pm The W Hotel $75 for delicious hors d'oeuvres, sweets by the city's best chefs, and a warm fuzzy feeling (from supporting this wonderful org and from the wine)

Mon, 9th:

Tues, 10th:

  • The Submarines play Cafe du Nord 9.30pm $10. Adorable Cardigan-y pop music

Wed, 11th:

  • SFBC volunteer night 5pm-done
  • Reproduce & Revolt Book Release Party 6pm CounterPULSE 1310 Mission/9th free. Your friendly neighborhood punk activists and designers made something to sell on Amazon.com
  • INFORUM's The Big Picture: Film in SF panel discusses how you can become as cool and attractive as George Lucas, and other Academy Award winners 6pm Commonwealth Club $12/20
  • More wine and morels. Shiraz and shrooms tastings 6-8pm Macy's Cellar 170 O'Farrell/Powell
  • Richie Unterberger's Rare Rock & Roll Film Clips (1968) Main Library 7-9pm
  • Wayne "The Train" Hancock plays Elbo Room 9pm $10. He is the so-called King of juke joint swing. Email sfpromo@theonion.com with subject"The Train" to win tix

Thurs, 12th:

  • Total Wellness 2008 11am-2pm Embarcadero Center. Free health screenings and Luna bars, plus a blood drive
  • Wild West Film Fest screens High Noon (1952). Quakers, guns, and trains at high noon Main Library
  • My Home, Your War is a film about our war on Iraq 12-1pm Main UCSF Campus 521 Parnassus Room N-225
  • Women's Urban Cycling workshop 5.30-9.30pm free, but registration required Women's Bldg 3543 18th/Guerrero
  • Streetside Stories Spring Showcase 5.30-8.30pm, 6.30pm program 401 Van Ness, 2nd Floor. Teaching kids literacy arts is awesome. Just stay in the building for the next listing
  • "Complicated Dominian: Nature and New Political Narratives" opening SF Arts Commission Gallery 6-8pm 401 Van Ness
  • Studio 3579 summer party 18th/Dolores 6-9pm. Wine and design
  • Jeremy Scahill reads from his book "Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army" 7pm Modern Times 888 Valencia
  • Black Gold, a doc about coffee growers, screens. "Farmers make as little as three cents for every cup of coffee sold in the U.S. or Europe." 7.30pm ATA 992 Valencia/21st $6 donation
  • Dolores Park Movie Night It Came From (Urban) Out(fitt)er Space free at dusk
  • Bingotopia at The Knockout 8pm free. If you aren't already, practice being retired
  • Bluegrass concert Atlas Cafe 8-10pm free
  • Modern Times, the last Chaplin silent movie, screens 9pm Station 40 3030B 16th/Mission
  • The Ting Tings play Popscene 10pm $10. One of my favorites from SXSW
Fri, 13th:
  • Two-hour Japanese rubber monster movie fest Atlas Cafe 8.30pm free. Godzilla, minus Ferris Bueller
  • Big Umbrella Studios throws a bash for its new show 7pm-12am Divis/McCallister

Sat, 14th:

  • Free de Young day: Chihuly exhibit (timed tickets), stiltwalkers, contortionists, blacksmiths, and saws 9.30am-5pm
  • Women Wielding Cameras film festival 11am-5.30pm Main Library free
  • Southern Exposure hosts Mix: Potluck and Bicycle Compost Mixer 2-4pm 417 14th/Valencia. Art, food, and sustainability. Great
  • Stick around the library for "You Must Be Mistaken" photography show reception. Pics by cool kids 4-5pm
  • Broken Records 1 year anniversary 1166 Geneva Ave. Out there, but just hop on #14 Mission bus 5pm-close. Seems like a swell time
  • "Sometimes I like you more than othertimes" opening by Richard T. Walker 3150 18th/Treat 7-9pm Iceberger Gallery
  • Reception for Sylvia Ji 7pm White Walls 835 Larkin 7pm. Bad-ass chick painter
  • Under 100 opening, plus screen printing Root Division 3175 17th/South Van Ness 7-10pm
  • Minks (girl Kinks cover band) and Amazing Embarrassonics (live karaoke band) El Rio 9pm $7. Patiopalooza 3-8pm $7 for BBQ and music, same day

Sun, 15th:

  • Another Free de Young day: Chihuly exhibit (timed tickets), stiltwalkers, contortionists, blacksmiths, and saws 9.30am-5pm
  • Alemany Farm! 12-5pm. Loquats, mulberries, kale, artichokes, strawberries, lettuce. I love spring
  • Stern Grove music festival kicks off with Booker T. Jones and Bettye LaVette 2pm 19th/Sloat
  • Green Apple Seed store closing party 5-7pm 248 Clement/4th Ave. Super cheapo books

Mon, 16th:

  • Blade Runner screens at The Independent doors 7.30pm/show 8pm free. Two drink minimum is not enforced, but popcorn consumption is
  • Jonathon Richman starts his residency til Thursday, in conjunction with his new record and his wittiness MakeOut Room 22nd/Valencia-Mission 8pm $15

Tues, 17th:

  • Destination: San Francisco one-night-only engagement Queen's Nails Annex 6.30-9.30pm. Art travels the world in a suitcase
  • I'm finally tracking down Sea Wolf at The Independent 8pm $12/14

Wed, 18th:

  • Partake in World Refugee Day by munching mesclun. The IRC benefits when you lunch at Harvest & Rowe 55 Second/Mission
  • Onion's Society for Beer Enjoyment pulls into Truck 1900 Folsom 6pm til the beer's gone. RSVP at sfpromo@theonion.com with "TRUCK" in the subject line
  • Relive your/my high school ska phase at Nero's tribute to Don Drummond free Red Hill Books 401 Cortland/Bennington 6.30pm
  • Sure it looks a little too slick, and sure it's in North Beach, but Impala's 3 Year Anniversary party has a hosted bar and free taquitos 8pm-2am 501 Broadway/Kearny. DJs will be spinning, so bring earplugs (or stuff some jalapeno poppers in your ears)
  • Wiretap presents Man/Miracle, Blank Tapes, Harbours at Thee Parkside 9pm $6-20 benefits EFF.org

Thurs, 19th:

  • Rally against this nation's crappy health care system and give Bill Frist the evil eye 10-11.30am sign making + bagels Yerba Buena Gardens; 12-1.30pm march Moscone West; afterparty Chevy's (wha?)
  • 3:10 to Yuma screens at Main Library's Wild West Film Fest noon. Boots encouraged
  • Community Walls mural unveiling and reception 4-8pm Sports Basement 1590 Bryant/15th
  • INFORUM presents...Habeas Corpus: GITMO Style 6pm $7-20 Commonwealth Club. The Supreme Court ruled on cases about this issue. Unfortunately, Scalia didn't take off for golf that day, but they still ruled 5-4 that detainees have the right to habeas corpus
  • Opening reception for "Live/Loud: This is Rock'n'Roll" 6pm Hamburger Eyes 26th Lilac/24th
  • The Fillmore Project: Community Forum Day and Celebration 6-9pm African American Art and Culture Complex 762 Fulton/Webster free. Food, drinks, live jazz, historic photos
  • Good Vibes on Valencia hosts Ask the Doctors: Threesomes 6.30-7.30pm free. Tango 3.0
  • Wholphin 6, McSweeney's quarterly DVD, screens 7pm Mezzanine 444 Jesse/Mint. Tickets are $12 at the door or $8 with RSVP to sf360@sffs.org
  • Hotel Utah 100th Birthday! Lots of local bands and celebs 7pm $8-18. Beth Lisick, a new fave author, will be there
  • Gravel and Gold holds a Midsummer's Eve celebration. Music and cute things 18th/Treat 8pm

Fri, 20th:

  • Big old Solstice party with music, food, and hill-rolling. Really. Check out Jessy's blog for the deets
  • RSVP to sfwrsvp@sfweekly.com for SF Weekly's summer party on June 25th. Sips and nibbles
  • Reopening of Reaves Gallery 235 Gough/Hickory (btwn Fell/Oak) 6-9pm
  • Ding! Ding! SFBC gives away free bike bells 6-8pm 8th/Howard
  • No need to gild the lily, especially when the paint has lead and tar in it. Author Stacy Malkin exposes the cosmetic industry 7pm free Red Hill Books
  • Bachelor/ette party at Valencia Good Vibes. Celebrate the state's gay marriage ruling with cake, champagne, and of course go-go dancers 8-10pm
  • Bands and film to benefit Palestinian youth $7+ Balazo Gallery 2183 Mission 8pm
  • Lucia di Lammermoor on a HUGE screen 8pm free AT&T Park. Opera and hot dogs
  • Lightspeed Champion is a witty UK dude who entertained me at SXSW. Catch his infectious love for Star Wars and funny lyrics at The Independent 9pm $12/14

Sat, 21st:

  • The Big One: A community gathering for change GG Park 9am-7pm, also Sunday 22nd. A big green festival with music, discussions, and a city-wide potluck
  • Bicycle Music Festival starts at Alemany Farmers' Market 10am and rolls all over town (Alemany Farm, Precita Park, Dolores Park) Progressive party includes bike powered speakers, bands, rappers, and bike tricks. Super fun last year, plus my sunglasses are on the website
  • FĂȘte de la Musique 10am-8pm free Justin Herman Plaza at The Embarcadero. There better be crepes
  • Alemany Farm workday 12-5pm
  • Savour the Square 12-6pm Ghiradelli Square, Sunday too. A tame entertainment option for visiting family
  • India's Film Festival of Hope 1-9pm free Bollywood Cafe 3372 19th/Mission. Documentaries, so probably not too many 300 person dance numbers
  • Opening reception for Yellena James and her art 6.30-10pm Giant Robot 618 Shrader/Haight
  • The Blank Tapes + Vera Gough play Adobe Books 16th/Valencia free, but I couldn't find a time

Sun, 22nd:

  • The Big One, again. See Saturday
  • SF Free Folk Fest plucks at City College noon free
  • Happy hippy party with good bands, food, and miscellany Dolores Park, before the fog rolls in. In a separate DP event, people are building a robot
  • Live mural painting with Brian Barneclo 1-5pm Fabric8 3318 22nd/Valencia
  • Free yoga 1-2.30pm Sports Basement
  • Cupcake bake-off and fundraiser 1.30pm Noe Valley Tavern 4054 24th $5 for cupcakes and raffle. Yea for sugar
  • Bender's has free BBQ South Van Ness/19th (no time listed....late afternoon?) Their place is a Weird Fish satellite grill
  • The Mission Statement block party and fashion show 3-7pm Lexington at 18th/Sycamore. Cute independent store celebrates with music, design, and prizes
  • Reception for Ice Cream Art show by Kellyann Gilson Lyman 5-7pm Sports Basement. Fingers crossed for sorbet

Tues, 24th:

  • Scott McClellan: former press secretary, current author and Republican pisser-offer. Hear his stories about how the Bush Admin is awful (surprising?) Fairmont Hotel, presented by Commonwealth Club noon, non-free
  • Tamale Lady's Bday Bash 7pm Zeitgeist. Bring your own fork
  • Southern Exposure presents Global Honking Ground 7.30pm free Yerba Buena 701 Mission. Films and art by cool socially aware folks

Wed, 25th:

Thurs, 26th:

  • The Searchers (1956) screens high noon. Thanks, Main Library, for having something I can take my mom to during Pride week
  • David Sedaris appears and reads from his works 7pm free Books Inc. Opera Plaza 601 Van Ness
  • Babylon Falling One Year Anniversary 7pm free 1017 Bush. Independent bookstore + beer + music
  • "INsects INsectos" reception 7pm Creativity Explored 3245 16th/Dolores
  • Apollo Sunshine + Big Light 12 Galaxies 9pm $12/15
  • Fleet Foxes 9pm $10 Bottom of the Hill
  • Prom Party Au Go Go. Good bands, go go dancers, fun stuff Rickshaw Stop 8pm $10
Fri, 27th:
  • Taste Chef Earl's local sustainable creations Macy's Cellar noon free
  • Friday Night at the de Young brings you tango and Chihuly and music. Free if you don't go into the galleries, or if you are a member 5-8.45pm
  • Party at Secession 6-10pm. Wine, design, art, music, euphoria
  • Lots of good bands: Adam Stephens, Botticellis, Panther.....look at Jessy's blog for deets

Sat, 28th:

  • Gravel & Gold gives you massages and mimosas 11am 18th/Treat. What an awesome little boutique
  • Alemany Farm workday 12-5pm
  • Cool Dashiell Hammett tour of Maltese Falcon-esque art and landmarks 1pm free Market/3rd
  • Really Really Free Market 1-6pm Dolores Park
  • Katy Stephan performs 3pm Unitarian Church 1187 Franklin/Geary free. Pretty and opera-y and Sufjan-y
  • Benefit for Pieces of SF Mural Project 6-10pm 1663 Mission/S. Van Ness-Plum $6-10. Benefits for you include Joseph Childress, film by David Enos, cash bar, and snacks
  • All About Eve screens in Union Square 8-11pm Powell/Geary free
  • Grand Archives and Sera Cahoone 9pm Slim's $13. Sub Pop label sweethearts
  • Teenage Craze Dance party Knockout 10pm $2. Soooo much fun

Sun, 29th:

  • PRIDE continues. Big old parade, plus a Charo lookalike contest
  • Local artist temporary consignment store closing party SFGallery143 7-9pm 143 Fillmore/Waller
  • Shamazing Grace SFC Double Dutch party, appropriately at Double Dutch 16th/Valencia-Guerrero free 8pm-midnight. Arm wrestling, class winning, and jumpy beer sloshing

Mon, 30th:

  • Canada night at The Attic 24th/Mission. $3 pints of maple syrup and niceness. I think you can pay with loonies


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